Lady Lynda dexterously organized her thoughts in her “citadel,” apartment before she demurely dialed her princess phone. Nothing but a princess phone for a princess like her. Seymour Toze her prince. Her agent would be her guide throughout the US in her quest to teach her fellow citizens perfect manners. A most noble quest she proudly told herself
Despite the bravado the dear woman felt worried she’d slip up. There was no way to know beforehand how reasonable these interviewees would be. She forlornly remembered the many job interviews she had throughout her adult life. It was only when she , thanks to colleague Auntie Carol she discovered her true calling. And that was to spread the teachings of proper manners throughout the U.S.A
As talented an expert she was she still needed somebody to guide her on the way. Yes she could teach crude, the rude and the lew\d but she still needed someone to help her with the business part. Lady Lynda begrudgingly reminded herself that she was not a skilled in every single way in her new noble endeavor.
With all that in mind she gazed at the first name on the list under agents in the directory. She saw the name was Barbara Abbott. One thing Lynda told herself was not to inquire if she was partners with somebody named Costello. The most considerate woman swiftly concluded the poor dear got that kind of ribbing most of her life. Far be it from her to be like those ruffians.
Lady Lynda heard eight rings. She was feeling increasingly beleagered as she tried to decide to wait for more rings. Finally on the tenth one, a middle aged female voice was heard. It was a most delicate one. One that sounded as if a puff of gentle breeze would be enough to silence it.
“Yes this is Barbara Abbott. Professional agent extraodinaire at your service. “What is the nature of your call?”
Lady Lynda involuntarily thought of Jim Carey’s movie “When Nature Calls” She tried to best to get that vulgar thought out of her head. “I called you under agents in the phone. I’d like to know if you can be my agent.”
“Pray tell, agent for what”
“For my upcoming nationwide importance of good manners tour”
There was a moment of silence. Lady Lynda was worried the woman was displeased with her idea. Then Abbot’s voice came back on. Pardon me I was mulling around how I could help you.
“Well for one thing you could get me bookings.”
“I suppose I could. But how could we categorize what you’re doing. Its not like you’re an entertainer type most folks know.”
“That’s where you can come in. You can create public relations for me explaining my etiquette expertise, how important it is and how I am an expert teaching it. You can include my experiences at the Charm School for Wayward Girls and the Pequot Reform school for Dastardly Bastards and how well I did in both of them.”
“So how successful were you? I just know what you tell me. Give me examples.”
Lady Lynda was stumped. Just then she heard a click.
The woman knew Barbara Abbott was like a pencil, one with a very good point. She just wished she wasn’t so sharp about it. She was right she ought to been able to tell why she was such a great etiquette teacher. Lady Lynda felt rejected but far from dejected. She would now think about what was it that made her such an expert on manners.