Add comment January 13, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
Tags: society for dainty damsels facebook site
Seymour Toze and Lady Lynda continue their search to help the Freaks
Seymour Toze got the Yellow Pages. His lady friend Lady Lynda waited eagerly for him. They snuggled together on the Victorian style magenta brocade divan they start to peruse the social services section for relevant charities. The two felt bewildered as they soon discovered that all the hundreds of listings were listed in one alphabetical list. "If only they were broken down to different categories" sighed Lady Lynda. "Oh how much easier it would be find what we're looking for if the charitable organizations were in different categories." "What category would be it be that included helping poor unfortunate side show freaks?" asked Seymour Toze. "I don't recall any groups that specifically help such unfortunates. The closest I can think of is Save the circus" fundraisers."
"Well I suppose we'll need to look for the closest charity we can find" replied Seymour Toze's paramour. Besides the only thing we can do is look at the list. Its quite long. Well I suppose we'll need to eliminate the one's that don't apply as fast as possible."
"That's going to be quite easy since most of them arn't relevant here. It seems that these poor dears are forgotten by everyone including social services. If only there was a way to help them."
"This is much harder than I thought." said Seymour
"Oh Seymour this is not the time to think about that." responded Lady Lynda. Those creatures we saw are desperate for some help, some encouragement."
"Oh look here's the Society for the obscurely impaired." Here's the "Society for the Minimally Impaired" "There but for the grace of the LORD go I." There's the League for People with Minor= Imperfections too."
"That does sound promising" quipped Lady Lynda but let's not stop there. There may be an even better, more relevant charity we can give to."
"Speaking of give to. Why does it have to be money. Maybe we can do volunteer work. I mean after all, these freaks need all the help they can get. Can you imagine going through life with such drastically severe deformities. Oh the utter tragedy."
Seymour Toze's lady friend replied she couldn't even imagine living like they do. She told Semyour they were really brave souls. Volunteering is cheap. I believe we should help financially. Those poor dears need all the help they can get. Can you imagine what it's like living with a deviated septum? Being tone deaf, no sense of direction and even worse talking with a Texas accent. Oh the utter horror."
"You're right my dearest one, my love Lady Lynda. Surely there must be an organization that is relevant to those poor tragic dears." commented Seymour with a heavy sigh.
They continued to look through the charities in the telephone directory. The twosome soon noticed names of similarly named organizations with sutitles such as The Association for Society's Minimally Neglected, Society for the Minimally Neglected, The Minimally Neglected Club, People who are Minimally neglected and others similarly named.
These organizations seem rather similar. I wonder if they're under the same organization. We need to check if they are legit or not. We ought to see how much money that they got from contributions. How much goes to the charity and how much to upkeep. Of course maintaining the charity costs but I should think the majority of the funding goes to the cause. We got our homework to do. The couple decide to check out the philanthropic organizations with http://www.charitysearch.com. Seymour Toze suggested to his dear, adoring Lady Friend Lady Lynda.
Seymour and Lynda did a search for each of the charities with http://www.charitysearch.com. They checked administration costs vs charity giving, Better Business Bureau status, how long they were in existence, any co sponsors, in short, relevant details. From the information they read they choose "Society for the Minimally Neglected. To be continued.
Add comment January 12, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
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Fat Harold Looses It
This be Wanda Lust, Crack Ho'. I knows my addiction be a badass thing and I aint no good fo' nobody like I is. If I dies aint nobody miss me "cept them crazy white bitches", and Fat Harold, my Christmas John. Fat Harold be the only man who really give a shit 'bout me as a person. Well, he done git' locked up in the looney bin. Sarita, the Spanish Ho' done tol' me 'bout it and I sees it plain she done it to hurt me. But no nevermind, some people jes' vicious. She aint know what he done jes' that he there.
Anyhow, I goes there and the linoleum floors all shiny and the overhead litghts real bright like the damn po-lice station. It be depressin'. I sez' I be his wife and they sez' I aint and they aint let me see him cuz I aint related. I pitches a hissy fit so they calls the head shrink, lookin' like fuckin' Rock Hudson, only alive. When I asts him what Ol' Harold done, the shrink kinda'
put his hand over his mouth so I aint see he smilin'. Seems my Harold done stick an ATM card up his ass and then try to withdraw money at the cash machine. People in the line calls the po-lice to take him in.
Well, I tells em' I be back ta see him when he git' outa solitaire. Why he done it? Cuz his mommy die. The Po'
Sick Bastard. CAROL ANN>
Add comment January 10, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
Tags: ATM card up his ass
Lady Lynda and Seymour Toze look for a way to help the Freaks
I’ll do anything. Stop singing. I can’t stand it.” she yelled.
What we want you to do is to when you wake up, as soon as possible, check out the social services for relevant charities.”
“That’s it?” the lady responded.
“Yes that’s it. Now we’ll leave you so you can get a good night’s sleep.”
Meantime Seymour was experiencing similar thoughts home alone in his place. He too was thinking of those terrible dears. He fondly reminesced how lovely his darling looked in her pale lemon yellow long sleeved cotton blouse with the prim trim touches. The matching flowing cotton skirt that just skimmed her open toed sandals. Her crimson satin sash she so delicately tied into a good sized bow around her slender waist. Her straw hat with the wide brim with the white and pink rose decorations that highlighted her delicate features. How how he adored her cherubic cheeks, her pert upturned nose , her cupid bow configuration lips and most of all her lapis blue and jade green eyes. He sighed as he went off to dreamland express.
The next morning he made breakfast, read the newspaper and then got a call from his lady friend.
“Its you Lynda. Good hearing from you. How are you this morning, my love.”
"I'm okay. I got an idea how to help those unfortunates. I was looking up charities in the social services section in the Yellow Pages. I found a group. Its the Society for Helping People with minor defects. Its perfect.”
“Oh I’m so happy Lynda and so thankful too. Let’s check them out with the Better Business Bureau and if they’re on the up and up give money.”
Add comment January 8, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
The Minotaur’s Tears
I am The Black Orchid, and I have a yearning for He, who is not mortal, The Minotaur. The mortals come with their rose petals, absinthe, and poems of iambic pentameter, the meter of Shakespeare. I do appreciate their tributes, yet, it takes about five of them to sate me. And I must take care not to hurt them.
I must think on Him. Then he will come. I send him tears hard as diamonds, and my lonliness as wide as the green, Sargasso Sea. My heart is like a geode, all dusty on the outside, with hard, purple crystals inside. Too many sunsets fading from purple to black have I seen. Alone, yet surrounded by mortals. I seek my own kind.
I shall perfume my entire body with ancient rose oils from the crypts of Egypt, and I shall braid my long, black hair that he may have the pleasure of undoing it. I shall be bare save for a diamond necklace and ear rings. Like cracked ice against the hot pinkness of my skin. I shall do my violet eyes with black kohl in the Egyptian way and swab copper eyeshadow on my eyelids. I shall make my feet beautiful with high silver strapped shoes. and black toenails.
I slip an emerald in my belly button that He may find it.
Laying down, I fall into a deep, trance like sleep, and as the candles flicker with a blue light, I see him standing by my bed. He raises me up and loosens my hair from its prison. He finds the emerald and laughs, placing it up my backside. Then he lays down next to me and runs his hands gently over my body, stopping at my woman's flower.
The fragrance of nectarines and wet animal fur infuse the room and the eerie sound of the piping of the satyrs resounds in my ears.
I melt like an orchid over a flame. And then he stops and I see tears forming in his animal eyes. With his finger he takes one tear placing it on my lips.
And I know He loves me. too. Then he snorts,and takes me rudely like one of the beasts in the field. And I think, "Split me asunder, my Love." I am reminded of a painting called, "The Rape of the Sabine Women." My flesh so white next to his dark fur. Moistness, and a falling from grace. A hotness like the tip of a heated blade.
When I awake I find he has left a message.
He has pressed the thorns of a white rose into my flesh.
I, who, am a geode,
see the imprint of his body on the sheets.
Add comment January 7, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
Tags: body, melting orchid
Add comment January 6, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
Tags: charity, freaks, Lady Lynda, nightmare, Seymour Toze
We’re on the fence
1 comment January 6, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
Tags: Picket fence blogs. Please vote for us. Thanks
The Funeral of Petunia
Oh, Lord Mercy. This be Wanda Lust and I sho' got a tale to tell. I done went to a funeral down south wid' my two crazy, white bitches, Auntie Carol and Lady Lynda. What a freak show. Them folks jes' lets it all hang out. But first
off I ast Auntie Carol why she want me to come and she act all sheepish and say her great Aunt, Miz Petunia Farkle, done marry a darkie. I busts a gut laughin' and sez,"That what you bitches needs, some dark meat." It kind of tighten' they asses, I can see. So I sez, "Sho' I be comin' wid' ya."
Then they grabs my ass and takes me to Macey's sayin' they gots to git me some proper clothes. Two suits, one lavender, one pink, some shirts, and baggy Wrangler jeans. They done say my jeans too tight, show my ass too much. I aint argue. What the fuck. They also buys me a white bra and panties that come up under my arm pits. I exaggerates some but ya gits my drift.
When we gits there her husband, Horatio Farkle, and some church ladies be waitin' fo' us. Now I sees where Auntie Carol git her fashion sense. Flowered dresses, lil' hats perched on they heads, grandma shoes and them goddamn lil' white gloves. Horatio, a high yella fella, seem nice even tho he aint got no front teeth and he be wearin' bib overalls wid' a red and white checked short shirt and timberline boots, all muddy as shit. He a nice southern gennelman though and take us home and feed the hell out of us. Lady Lynda aint eat the ham though 'cause she Jewish. She think Yahweh gone come down from heaven and zap her wid' a lighten' bolt if she do. Then after stuffin' our faces, Horatio go out in the yard and pick a shit load of mint fo' mint juleps. It burn like hell fire go'in down and leave a sweet taste in the mouth. We all gits kind of lit and out come the tears. Auntie Carol havin' coniption fits and Horatio bawlin' his ass off. When ya dies everybody think you was a whole helluva lot beter than ya really was. Then I learn Auntie Petnunia raise up Auntie Carol 'cause her real mother gone straight to the funny farm and stay there 'til she die. I curious but aint say nothin'. It weren't seemly to ast questions. As I say we all blasted and Horatio explainin' he aint got but one queen size bed fo' all three of us. We laughes our asses off
and says okay. I be secretly hopin' I don' git ta see they twats. No worry, Aunite Carol done bought granny night
gowns fo' all of us.
I takes the middle of the bed 'cause I don' like the edge of the bed. Yo' ass could fall on the floor is why.
At the funeral the next mornin' they got the coffin' placed on a platter so's everyone can git a good look at the deceased. Auntie Petunia all made up lookin like Zaa Zaa Gabor only fatter. Seem 'bout three hunnert fifty pounds ta me. She wearin a large tulip print dres of pink and orange which don't do nothin' fo' her. But who look good when they dead. No one!
People file by and say how wunnerful she were and how she help them out like she Mother Therse or some shit. When Auntie Carol git up there, she go crazy and climb in the coffin, layin' right on top of the corpse, and she whailin, "Why
Lord? Take me instead. She didn't deserve to die! Oh,
Lordie! She was so good." And she boo hooing real bad and everybody just freeze includin' Horatio. I goes into
street mode then. I rushes up there and I sez,"Lissen' Bitch, ya gits yo crazy,white ass out of that coffin toute de suite befo' I lays a can of whup ass on ya! Disrespectin' the dead like you fuckin' crazy!"
She look real shocked like she aint realize what she do'in and git out of the coffin and go sit down like she aint done nothin. Nobody say a word and just go over to the gravesite to pay final respects. They throw flowers into the coffin as it be lowered into the ground.
I has a real improper thought, "Lord, she gone make one big banquet fo' the worms." Then I thinks Lord, strike me dead fo' that, But he aint do it.
By CAROL ANN
Add comment January 5, 2011 auntiecarol69 Edit
Tags: coffin, crazy white bitches
“World’s Cheapest Freak Show”
Lady Lynda and Seymour carefully perused the community listings in the local newspaper as they sat on the Victorian style brocade magenta hued divan. Suddenly after perusing the various types of events one particular one caught their eyes. "Dare I deign to say its in Intercourse PA.
Its billed as the "World's Cheapest Freak Show." "Now everyone can enjoy a freak show like the golden days of the circus side show. Come One , come all."
"Look what's happening in "Intercourse PA" Lady Lynda said to Seymour. Seymour replies "Oh Lady Lynda I am aghast. I thought you wanted us to save ourselves for marriage. I developed my toe fetish as a compromise. To escape doing the disgusting but only if married, with you."
"I meant the town of Intercourse PA. "
"Oh I am so relieved. What's there?
"Reminds of the time we went to Brattleboro VT. There was a zoo with a full grown deer the size of a cat. There was a mini horse the size of a cocker spaniel. Awwww so cute. An male albino peacock, train and all. What gorgeous ruby red eyes." There weren't that many animals but what we saw were real stunners."
"Oh I see, you're presuming this exhibit won't show that many differently formed folks but the one's they will be real doozies."
"You get the picture my sweet love? "Do you want to go?"
"I think I do. Remember last night we watched the 30s movie cult classic "Freaks" The one directed by Todd Browning who directed "Dracula" with Bela Legosi. From a story by Tom Robbins "Spurs" They were really freaky there. the half boy whose body stopped at the ribcage and the fat lady, the Siamese twin sisters who looked like they were stapled together, Dorothy and Violet Hilton, the other Hilton sisters, the bearded woman, the ultra thin man, the pinheads, the He she and so many others. Oh those twin sisters were really close to each other. But not nearly as close as we are to each other. You know the fat lady reminds me the career counselor at the special school in Allentown told super fat Mike how as long as there was a side show he'd never fear unemployment. Do you know where the train schedule is?" "Yes I do" replies Lynda. With that she gets the timetable and they check it out.
They get to the Intercourse PA train station in ninety minutes. They notice plastered throughout the station and just outside it, posters for "The World's Cheapest Freak Show." The two check out one of them and they discover its a short walk from where they are.
"Well here we are the world's cheapest freak show." Let's see if it lives up to its name"
They enter the exhibit. "I am really glad I'm here. Ever since I was little I was fascinated with freaks. When I was six my parents gave me a book with photos of a two headed turtle and two headed snake. I remember seeing "Ressurection" movie on TV and a little boy pets a two headed snake. "Speaking of snakes does that remind you of anything?" "I deign say so."
The tape is narrated by the actress Megan Fox who was born with stubby thumbs. With her melliflous voice she explains that due to the economy the major freaks moved on. This is all the town can afford. She tells the listener to turn right and walk a few short steps to the first exhibit where a pleasant looking young man is standing. He is dressed in a dark brown wool blazer with a blue and white thin vertical striped cotton shirt. He is wearing Gap jeans. He wears clunky brown shoes with white socks. His nose is somewhat large but not so much to be disconcerting. Dark brown hair and eyes. Lady Lynda being too too shy to ask herself, asks Seymour to question him. Toze wanting to please his Lady Lynda inquires why he's there. "Unfortunately I developed a deviated septum. The bone and cartilage dividing the two nostrils is crooked. Oh the terrible unfairness of an invisible disability. If I was crippled, blind, a hunchback people would understand. But no I had to be born with a physical deformity nobody would know unless I tell them. Its so terribly unfair."
Feeling deeply sorry for him they leaves. Toze mentions he won't sleep tonight thinking of that poor unfortunate soul.
Next they notice a tall stout woman singing from the opera "Die Kluge" best known for the Opera singer Elizabeth Schwartzkopf. Her composure, atttiude is overbearing. This time it's obvious what her freakishness is. She is completely tone deaf. She wears the Valkerie helmet with upturned horns. The problem she doesn't realize it and her voice booms as she walks through the exhibit hall. Lady Lynda remembers on every April Fool's day her elementary school principal would play a recording of some society woman who gave free opera concerts who was as least as terrible a singer as the Die Kluge woman.
The twosome next entered the exhibit's snack bar. They see a woman with crooked little fingers serving the tea. She tells them she is grateful the local voc. rehab hooked her up with her current employment. She told them she found her true calling. She was born the way she was so she could be accepted as a professional tea pourer. She tells them she was constantly being fired from her typing jobs because of being born with little fingers she was incapable of straightening out. She lets Lynda and Seymour know its medical term is "Camptodactaly"
All the while, while Lynda and Seymour and others are walking throughout the exhibition a woman constantly bumps into them. They try to steer her in the proper direction. But as they do so, no matter how many times they try to redirect her, she winds up right back bumping into them. They realize she is part of the show. She is the woman with absolutely no sense of direction. She wears brown leather and white saddle oxfords with white anklet a cotton flared skirt just below her knees, with an elephant prin, carnation pink long sleeved woolen top. Her posture is constantly leaning forward as if she is in a hurry. She wears thick horn rimmed tortoise shell glasses. Her features are pointy, sharp. She goes by the name of Molly Sue Pendergrass.
Next the two comes across a man with Texas accent. He is wearing a Stetson hat, mahogony red cowboy boots with gold spurs, a red , white and blue flannel shirt. On his shirt is a Nascar fan button. He wears Wranglers Jeans. He's 6'3 and built. He's rugged looking like a middle aged Clint Eastwood. His thick Texas twang is so exotic to the locals. He is seen as a fascinating curiosity. They've never seen anything like him. They presume he's from some exotic land.
As they are about to leave Seymour Toze tries to get a feel of his ladyfriend's buttocks. But Lady Lynda being the lady that she is, thwarts him every time he tries to cop a feel. But being a typical disgusting male , Seymour does what he feels what he must do. He is a man and he feels he needs to live up to his nature. He refuses to give up. He'll get that buttocks feel from Lady Lynda yet. And then he'll casually reach around to her curvy bossom.
Just then the local hermaphrodite noticed what Seymour is doing. The freak yells at him "Trying to get cop a feel. Look at those knockers at that babe."
"You mind your own business you disgusting freak. I'll tell you what you can do.... You can go fuck yourself."
The freak of nature says" "Well that's better than what you can do. You're just jealous. I'm self contained"
"Lady Lynda is the one for me" responds Seymour Toze.
"Oh Seymour my hero. my dear, you are so clever"
"Thank you my darling. I think we've seen enough of this place. Let's find our ways out of here so we can be together once more.