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Archive for November, 2010

Hello Darlings

When a woman of sophistication and proper upbringing  sees her male dermatologist one thing she must never say to him is the following:
Take my wart off,  take my skin tag off,…take my clothes off.

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Wanda Gets A Beatdown.

This be Wanda Lust.  I got two black eyes, a busted

mouth and two broke ribs.  I betcha think it be

from my man, Johnny Youngblood,  Well, it aint.

Thar Crazy Bitch, Lady Lynda, climb out of her

long black limousine last Sattidy night and come

right over to my corner and she aint say nothin’.

Just hall off with a BAD, right uppercut and I’m

on my ass.  Had a swing like George Forman.

Then she start kickin’ me in the ribs with her

pointy designer shoes.  I aint never had such a

beatdown.  Then she stop, give me a white linen

hankerchief to stop the bleedin’ and the

wierdest thing she ast me to come have a drink

wid’ her.  I ‘fraid not to, and I gits up limpin’

and holdin’ my side.  We go into the Warick,

and them people aint much like the way I

be lookin’.  Some says things and she say,”

“Shut the fuck up, can’t you she she injured!”

I aint never heard her use the “F” word befo”.

She oder a wine spritzer fo’ herself and mine is

a shot of blackbery brandy, sweet like I likes

it.  And then she get a real wierd look on her

face and ast me what I does to Seymour Toze.

I tol’ her everything. And she say “I never knew

men liked that.” I’ll just have to wait until our

weddin’ night.”  I say, you marryin’  that guy.

She say “Yes but he don’t know it yet.” And

give me the wierdest smile.  I think I likes

the crazy bitch, now.  Then we both gits real

drunk and she drop me off at the ER and pay

the bill.’    Carol Bond Post.

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Santa’s Elves.

I’ve got to get my mind off these ghastly things.

This is Lady Lynda and I love Christmas.  When

Santa says “Ho, Ho, Ho,” is he calling his Whore

Elves, all spiky with low cut red and white fur

outfits.  I wonder how Mama Santa deals with

that?  I think it’s immoral.  Black Orchid, not all

men are unfaithful.  At least, in their hearts.

But you wouldn’t think of being faithful.  You

take Lovers like so many coats of paint.

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Wanda’s Reply

Lady Lynda, you is one dumb bitch.  You got

shit fo’ brains.  Aint  a man alive who don’t like

T&A.  You know what that mean, Bitch?

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An Added Insult

Wanda Lust you are a crack whore and don’t

understand that gentleman prefer ladies they

can respect.  I draw the line under my breasta.

There is no sick, disgusting thing you will not

do.  My true love, Seymour, is completely

true to me in his heart even though we haven’t

gone all the way.

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Idle Gossip – Lady Lynda

This is Lady Lynda.  Idle gossip will get you

nowhere.  Besides, A LADY NEVER TELLS!  I’m

still a virgin at thirty-five because I’m waiting for

the right man.  He well may be Seymour Toze.  It

will come to fisticuffs if you ever see him again,

Wanda Whore.

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Wanda Lust

This be Wanda Lust.  I aint no damn Goddess but

I sho’ gits paid.  That  Seymour Toze of yours done

come by and suck my toes and come on my titties.

You aint so damn pure, Lady Lynda.  He done

tole’ me what ya’ does!

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